Playing the hero

**note to the wise** This is my opinion, take it as it is. Opinions = Assholes. Mine may be more hairy, or less, then you like, but it is mine. It is with me for life and I wont sew it up and pack it away.

As Hurricane Gustav makes it way towards land, I begin to catch myself questioning the sanity of people in its path.

"Overnight, Hurricane Gustav's winds decreased enough to make the storm a Category 3. But the 8 am ET NHC advisory says it could restrengthen in the next 24 hours."

Why risk it? Human error, these stats are not facts. No one knows how strong this storm is going to be until it gets here. Im tired of hearing out the hero. I must stay for my possessions and pets. My house survived Katrina, it will survive again (damn, to be a psyhic). The rest of my family is staying. I don't think it will be that bad.

HELLO! Does everyone forget what happened during Katrina? Who is to say this storm is not going to be worse? Who says your house, after all the battery it took from Katrina, will stand this time? Who says a tree will not fall through your child's bedroom window, who says your house will not be flooded with you stuck in it with 6ft of water?

I just do not understand. They give you warnings, they give you evacuation orders and you stay? Why are you playing hero. Don't tell me your not, your either playing hero or your playing stupid ignorant fool. Put your life, your children's life, you pets life on a higher petestal. You can rebuild your house and buy new possessions, you cant bring a life back. Get out of the mind set of being stronger then the storm, and realize that this is a serious threat!

Call me an idiot, but if I saw a storm like that headed towards MY family, Id be looooong gone without second thought. My children are worth so much more to me then that. You can tell me over and over that it dosnt make you love your child any less. You may love them, but your thought process is all wrong. You are your child's decision maker and protector, do your job!


That being said, my prayers are with all the families down that way. I really hope everyone makes the right decision to stay safe. I pray for all the children and innocent lives that are being forced to stay in this storms wake. May God watch over you and protect you.

Happy Birthday to ME :)

That is right, today is my silver birthday. I am offically part of the 1/4 century club (good god that sounds depressing). Well...not technically yet, not until 10pm tonight :D

Today was a wonderful day. We woke up after a hillarious and out right fun night of drinking (which I really needed!!) and I got breakfast served to me. Timmys in bed, nothing better, Brian knows me too well. I knew from yesterday that I had 2 "appts" for this morning, but had NO idea what/where. So I get ready and head out in the car. Brian drops me off for a nice relaxing massage!!!!!! It was amazing. He booked the appointment with a massage therapist/physio therapist and they were jsut amazing. I really was in need of a great de-stressing massage and that is exactly what I got. When it was time to leave Brian and the girls were there ready for the day and they brought me to the next place. Brian then set up an appointment at a spa for a mani/pedi. Ohhh it was nice. I was very pleased with the place.

Time for lunch. Brian (daring I may add because of the plans he had) asked me where I wanted to go for lunch. Of course, I said Jacks. Boy he is lucky he knows me 100%! We headed to Jacks for lunch and I was suprised by family and friends with a birthday lunch. It was nice to have people there to celebrate with us and we had alot of fun. Great food and great company. It was very sweet.

All in all it has been a marvelous day. We were planning on going to the drive thru tonight but Im not too sure at this moment. We are both SO tired from the day, so we may wait and go for the super feature night tomorrow. Im kind of excited at the thought of a quiet movie night at home with some gelato! YUM :)

SO that was my day. It was great and Im so very lucky to have such an amazing man in my life.

The list

I wrote out a list of all the words Brooklyn is saying, but need to keep it someone I wont loss it. So...here it is. I will add to it as time goes on.

mommy
mama
daddy
dada
sissy
baby
puppy
ducky
shusha (portugese for soother)
she she (another word she uses for soother)
baba
cheese
please
one
two
three
thank you
good girl
quack
no
nana
papa
doggie
up
hi
bye (or bye bye)
ew
pee you (when something stinks)
tub tub
tubby
night night
wow
toy
shoe
nose
out
nummy
yummy
eye
you
juice
dude
boobah
boobies
twinkle
start
high
sky
are
blue
red
toes
madi
kiss


She signs for:
milk
all done
more
kiss

Maybe I am a bit mistaken

Could someone fill me in on where I went wrong. I was very unaware that caring about an innocent child, being respectful and being the bigger person meant that I was kissing people's asses. Everyday of my life does not need to be about drama. I dont feel the need to be over dramatic about every little god damn situation. A child is sick (Yes...child...INNOCENT CHILD) and I want them to get better and offer suggestions....and im kissing ass? I comment on a child's pictures and Im kissing ass? Now I could see if I was constantly complementing those who have hurt me in the past. I could see if I was mailing out mother of the year awards, hell I could even see if I was playing best friend but matters of a child? Common! I am 25 years old, I don't need to stoop to the past levels of others to make myself feel ok. Save the drama for someone else, I dont need it!

oh wait...I thought that everyone deserved second chances. Right, only when it wasnt me in the good books. Gottcha. Ill make a mental note of that for nex time.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr

ok, vent over.

Baths are for babies

And Miss Brooklyn no longer things she fits in that category!! If I try to put her in the bath, she freaks. She points up to the shower head and says tub tub. All she wants is a shower, no baths for this big girl. She will though, let me eventually put the plug down and allow the bath to fill up. Once shes had enough shower she will play in the bath. Damn stubborn kid. Wonder where she gets that from...................................

Getting ready and all excited



In and getting adjusted



PLAY TIME!!!




An extra one for fun!!

Yes....I did it

I gave my baby her first set of piggy tails. Go ahead and laugh at me, I think it looks adorable. She is just too damn cute NOT to do this too. Geesh, how did I ever get so lucky? She is just like her sissy was from the beginning. She sat in my lap, played with her toothbrush and let mommy do her magic. Such a little angel she is!! Here are the pics, aint she darlin'??

Do you notice her hair getting even lighter? It's unreal!! You should see it in the natural light!




Mommys little ham, boy how I love this little lady.

Hair style mama

Brooklyn is a girlie girl through and through. She is obsessed with shoes, jewlery, and putting stuff in her hair. I guess this day she thought mamas hair brushing wasnt enough to tame her wild ways.





You cant really see it in that last one, but its there. Yesterday it was barretts. Why is it the child with NO hair actually likes stuff put in it??

Mommys little helper

Now...onto the more important stuff....my kids!

This pic is from last week but I wanted to show it off. Alexis is such a great helper, without even asking. I have vaccumed the floors downstairs and then went to put clothes away. After a few minutes I heard the vaccum go on again and thought maybe it was possessed. Well...it was! By Alexis! She insists on re-vaccuming the floors each and everytime I do it. Ahh...shes so amazing!! Here she is in action.



Look at that smile, its to die for!



ENJOY :)

I woke up...

on a different side of the bed. I have a different prospective, a different outlook and a different attitude. Im giving myself an intervention. I need to learn to respect myself, accept myself and be damn proud of myself. I deserve this. I know who I am, and I know who I am not. I hate when I find myself acting out in a way that is not me. I hate when I wake up in the morning embarassed of how I acted. I am my childrens role model, and I would much rather prefer them not acting the way I do at times. They will learn their behaviour and attitude through ME, and if they allowed what I do, acted the way I do or shamed the way I do, I would feel as if I failed. They are better then that and therefore, I must be better then that.

Respect, its up there high on my list of what I want my children to know and be. Ive learned the last few years to be a very accepting person. I do not judge nor do I hold against ones lifestyle. I will not throw that in their faces. Being different is not wrong, and my children need to know that. Respecting ones decisions does NOT mean you have to follow them. We are not all alike in this world and I dont for one second want my children to think that we need to be. I am different. I choose to live a different way. That is ok. I am not wrong, bad or immoral. I have to live my life, no one else. I accept who I am, appreciate it and love it. My children need to realize that people in life will do things they may not agree with....that is ok. Its life, not a bubble. I will teach them what I believe is ok and in time they will come up with their own list of what is ok. It may not match mine, but it will be their own.

I give my children stability. Their father and I will always be PARTNERS. We will always love each other and love them. I think that stability, respect, faith and truth are 4 of the most important things in the upbringing in children. You may not agree, and that is ok. I am raising my children, no one else and what I think is so much more important. I am 100% faithful to my family and they will never know any diffferent. That right there is the break of a family and I want them to always feel secure.

I no longer need to justify myself in life. My partner and I (finance by the way) know who we are, and where we are in life with each other. I dont need to answer why I am not married. It is non of your business. We have never once delayed our wedding, because we have never planned. God gives you the right time, and we will have our right time. In our hearts and in our eyes and our families eyes we are one. We are a packaged deal. That package is filled with love, respect and comittment. We together are very unsure why people continue to judge us based on a decision that is not their own, nor does it effect them. My children will always know mommy and daddy as together. Married, engaged, dating whatever, we are together. Children dont come up and ask a couple who are together forever "are you married". Why would you need to answer a question that wont be asked. We live as one, we work as one, we decide as one. We've had many opportunities to head out somewhere and get "married". That is not what we want. We know what we want and work towards that daily. The rest, you dont need to know. The level of our comittment and relationship will not be based on marriage. It will be based on all that we have worked towards in the past 5 years.

For us, it isnt about our vows taken infront of God. We never plan to do that. We do not live the religous life and most people who claim to are a laugh. We live our life based on what we believe, and we are on the same path with that. We have made a committement and vows to each other and our family. That is what we choose to want. That...is....ok!

I am not a hypocrite. I would never judge someone for mistakes that they made, vows that they broke, decisions they choose. They do not effect me. I judge someone on the way they treat me, treat others, respect me and my family. I judge someone on the way they portray themselves. Does God not say "thou shall not judge?" In the end, it is God who I will answer to, no one else. Please dont judge me because I am different. I will not change my lifestyle because someone else dosnt agree with it. If they were truely my friend, they would respect me and my choices. Dont agree with it I dont care, but respect it. I may not agree with your lifestyle but that does not in any way change the way I feel about you. I will not live my life based on anothers moral compass because unfortunatly our compasses are pointing in different directions. For me, that is ok. I accept you, I respect you and I embrace you.

There is no way in which life is "supposed" to be lived. If there was, we would all be a boring pile of mush. God did not say do not have children out of wedlock. God said no sex before marriage. If your going to trash me for my moral-less life, then trash your own as well. It upsets me that people TRIED for what we had (children before married) and because it didnt succeed until after, it is suddenly wrong. It upsets me that now I am shameful for continuing in my education, when thats not the way its supposed to be. It should have happened before kids. But its ok when others want to do it? Just because they didnt go forth with it for whatever reason, its now wrong? Its wrong that I want to better myself? Give my children a better life? My accomplishments and acheivments are now less?

Let me once and forall answer for you why I am not married. I believe with all my heart that a "marriage" should be the most stable, secure, healthy relationship there is in life. It should NEVER be anything less. THAT is the values that I place on a marriage. I witnessed in life a marriage that should never have been (my mother and father). They got married for all the wrong reasons. They were not 100% truely and wholeheartedly in love. They were not faithful (on one end). I placed so much more into marriage because of them. Yes, I sinned. I have children before I was married. In that I seek Gods assistance and forgiveness, no one elses. That being said until I know that my partner and I are in that place, we will not marry. We are in the same boat as this, and THIS is how we want to raise our girls. We are fighting to make their life better. We are fighting to instill in them what we think a marriage should REALLY be. We work so hard everyday to get to that place, so that when we enter our marriage we will be all that we think it should be. Our marriage will not be broken by faithless love, broken vows and lies. We both agree that our relationship needs to be at its 100% to get there. You may not agree with me. You may think that it is ok to work towards all that while in a marriage, we do not. It is our choice and decision to think this way and it wont change. I don't judge you for the mistakes you made or the decisions you make, please dont judge me for mine.

My children are special because...

- They know how to love. Everyday my daughter looks me in the eyes and says with her pretty straight little face "mommy, I really love you". She dosnt just say it because she wants something, she dosnt say it out of habit. Most of the time it is out of left field and for no reason at all. She will be in the middle of playing a game and walk up to me and tell me she loves me, then goes back to playing. In the middle of the day, in the middle of her favorite cartoon, she will turn to me and say "mommy, do you know how much I love daddy?". This child knows love, true love. That makes her very special!
Although Brooklyn does not speak fluently yet, her ability to love is very aparent! She is a very loving child. Any baby or animal she sees, she hugs and kisses with a big smile planted on her face. If you say "baby, mama loves you" (which I make a point to say atleast 3x a day), her face lights up and she simply puts her head on your shouler, arms around your neck and squeezes with every ounce in her. This child knows love, true love. That makes her very special!


- They know family. Im not saying they know who their family is. They know what family means. They are very lucky to be surrouded by a huge family who adores each and every piece of them. They adore the good (and boy is there lots) and they enjoy the bad (you know...the attitude, temper tantrums and all that jazz). Our family tries very hard to be positive influences in their lives. I admit, none of us are perfect, but they really do try. They make sure both girls feel equaly loved and cherished. They make sure both girls are well aware of how special they are to them. They give each of them the individual time they need, as well as the time together. They are very lucky to have great grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins 1-20 and much more who think they are 2 of the most special little beings on earth. for this, they are very special!

- They know reality. I don't hide truths from my children. To an extend (they ARE still young!). This can be a cruel cruel world and I want them to be prepared and confident enough to take their place in life.

- They have confidence. I am very passionate about keeping childrens self esteem at an all time high. My child will never be called ugly, or fat, or stupid. Negativity is not spoken to my children because they deserve so much better. Unfortunatly they will hear alot of negative talk in life. About them, and about others. This kills a persons faith in life, and kills a persons self esteem. It is my duty as their mother to keep that self esteem as high as I can possibly make it. I want them to be comfortable and confident enough to allow those negative things in life not destroy them. I want them to be better then the negativity.

- They know health. I am a firm believer in creating a positive sense of self in my children. They need to know why it is so important to be healthy, active and eat properly. This isnt always easy with a stubbron 3yr old who may not want to eat, or a 1yr old whos teeth are leaving her appetite next to none. This all goes back to truth. I dont lie to them. I let them know exactly why it is so important to have a healthy, well balanced diet. It is my duty as their mom to make sure their precious little brains dont dwiddle away years down the road because they didnt eat properly. It is my duty as their mother to make sure I dont have a 5yr old anorexic. It is my duty as their mother to make sure my children are living a positive and healthy life.

Most of all, my children know me. They know all of me. They know my strengths, and they know my flaws. Brian and I allow our children to see us for who we really are. That being said, because of them, I try to make myself to be the best ME I can possibly be. I am not perfect, and that is ok. They need to know that they dont have to be perfect to be successful. They need to know it is ok to struggle. They need to know it is ok to work so hard that it hurts. I want them to work for what they want in life. I want them to be the best them that they can possibly be. No matter WHO they are in life, I will not judge them. I will accept them for who they are, because I am their mother and I offer them nothing but the truest and purest of love I possibly can give.

Congrats to Alexis!

I should have posted this a few weeks ago, but forgot. My dear Alexis made the spree team at gymnastics. 2 years of hard work and it has paid off. She is very excited to be able to train 2 days per week with her ultimate favorite coach Jacey. She has taught Alexis for the past 2 years and this year gets to run the spree team for 4-5yr olds. I just had to share our wonderful news. We are so very very proud of our little girl!

To be, or not to be....

Let's be honest here, some people should not be parent's. Correct?

I truely apologize to anyone this may offend, but Im going to be blunt in this post. That's what I'm here for, right? If you get offended early, or possibly don't really want to read what Im going to say, turn back now and click the pretty little "x" in the upper right hand box. CLOSE IT.

Ok, fair warning.

Is it ok in today's society to starve and deprive your children? I'm not talking about the parents who's children are picky eaters, have less then an appetite then my piggie or those who have children who just plain old don't like to eat. I'm talking about those parents who do not LET their children eat properly because they are 2 inches short of morons.

Let me give you an example. We will call the child in this situation "a", and the mother/father (since im sure it is both doing this) "b".

"A" is a bit child, nothing short of the worlds youngest giant. Today "A" arrives at my house, "b" in hand, and they enter. I am handed a bag by "b" and told that because "A" is such a picky eater, she packed a lunch and food for the day. "A" may not eat it all, but just try.

Exit door. I take "A" by the hand and lead him into the living room full of toys, and set him off to an activity. I go into the kitchen to unpack the food bag and put it in the fridge. Here is what I find.

***Quick Reminder. "A" is here from 8am until 4:30pm. Yes, that is 8 1/2 hrs.**

1) 2 pk of Activia Yogart (one preach, one prunes)
2) sippy cup with 4.5oz of milk (I measured)
3) sippy cup full of water
4) 1 jar of stage 2 corn
5) 1 jar of stage 1 prunes


I propose to you 2 questions. First of all, how on EARTH is this enough food for a toddler to eat in a 8 hr period?? Why would you starve a child? They should be on table food, they have more then enough ability to do so. So far, "A" has finished almost all of that, and it isnt noon yet. "A" is hungry! Why wont you just feed the child???

Secondly, what is with all the prunes?? And on top of Activia yogart? You have already told me that this child poop numerous times aday...why add to it?? What is the obsession with poop??

So I ask again, why on earth are some people granted the ability to be parents??

Such Beauty

Sunday afternoon we took the girls to the Niagara Butteryfly Conservatoy and Botanical Gardens. It was amazing, we all enjoyed the beauty inside and spent a wonderful afternoon as a family. Unfortunatly due to the lack of eagerness at Future Shop, my camera is still MIA. Luckily I was able to buy a simple (yet utterly amazing) point and shot a few weeks ago, so I wasn't without pictures. That would be a true crime. This picture, we are having blown up and edited. The background will be black with just the butterfly in the middle. (right now, it is sitting on my bright pink shirt...dosnt do it any justice).


While walking through the pavillion, I spotted way up high the prettiest site in the entire place. Although the pictures are not the greatest because my zoom creates fuzzy pictures (again, huge wishing that my camera was back in my arms!) I tried to capture the beauty it was. Just use your imagination and work with it!











It is amazing how life beauty can be captured through the pure enjoyment of a toddler. Ive never seen Brooklyn quite so impressed by nature before, but she was utterly amazed while we were there. Ive decided, because of this face, to make her room into a butterfly paradise.


Last but definatly not least, creativity. This picture really captivates the beauty of nature. The different textures, colors, shapes. Its all so simple, yet all so complex.


Go outside, take a walk through the park, and enjoy the beauty of nature.

and so it begins

Is this heaven, or hell? Someone asked that question yesterday and I am embarking on a journey to find out myself. The laptop. What on earth have I been missing?!? Sitting on the couch last night while my 2 beautiful girls were in bed sound asleep, laptop on my lap, Olympics on tv and cookies in hand (ok, so not really cookies, it was a popsicle but cookies just sounds like it flows better. Here I sit today laptop on table (on the lap it just gets so damn hot!), one child happily watching her favorite cartoon while coloring me a picture. Quite the multi-tasker she is. Second child running rampid in front of me, mum mum in one hand, puppy book in another. Seems like heaven definatly, I mean what could be better..right? Or is this Hell. I shouldnt be sitting here doing my own thing while my children run around and do as they please. I should be playing with them, doing activities and quite possibly cleaning my house. Ohhh....the angel on one shoulder or the cute little (and bright) devil on the other. Which one to pick. Ill let you know in a few days after my house is turned upside down and I still sit here, laptop in tow, smile on my face.

Curiosity. Did it really kill the cat?

There are so many things in life I am curious about. Not all of them killed my cat. I'm sure I am not the odd man out, but there are quite a few things in life that I am "closet curious" concerning. You know, those things you don't dare tell people you really wonder. If you think I'm going to sit here and spew them all out to you, don't go on reading. You may really be disappointed.

There are though, things in life in which I am very curious about and willing to ask. Somehow or for some reason or anything, I have yet to ask them. My cat is meowing and scratching but has YET to come out and play. Got me?

A small list of questions in which I am looking for answers.

1) Why is it that you get looks for being a 20-something mother? Contrary to that, why is it you get looks for being a 40-something mother (new mother)? Im alittle lost on the idea that it is not "ok" to have a baby young, but it is also not "ok" to have a baby old. Did someone forget to let me in on the golden age of child bearing?

2)"it was all his fault". Do you know how many times I have heard that from friends and family (female quite obviously) after finding out they were pregnant.
"He didnt pull out or put on a condom"
I'm sorry, call me stupid, but is consented sex not a 2 way street? Is it really all up to the male to use a form of birth control in order to prevent babies? Do woman suddenly go blind the moment a penis is shown, and therefore are unaware at the time of protection is being used. Sorry sweetheart, if you didnt want a baby, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

3)Why does the sky turn green when there is a tornado. I know, stupid question without any rambling after, but I really have always wondered.


It's silly that as an adult you can be afraid to question. I teach my girls to question what they are taught, question when they are unsure but most importantly I teach them to trust in what they know.

I probably already know the answer to 99% of the things I question, and allow myself to fear the answer. Fear will only render you in life. I've started to trust myself and trust what I know so that I can move forward and continue to develop in life. Wish me luck, it could get interesting!